So.There

I am not writing this to one person alone, I am writing this to 3 men in particular. The 3 men that changed my life. The 3 men who at the time had the biggest impact on my life, but through years I have realized that the impact they made can in no way compare to the impact that just one has made on me now. Number 1. You were a cold heartless son of a bitch who wanted a mother out of me and not a girlfriend, better yet I think you wanted a daughter out of me more than anything. You loved to push me around emotionally and make me feel as though I were only 2 ft. tall. You tried to make your life my fault, You made me feel that I had to do everything to please you and I never pleased myself. I was to scared to leave you I was afraid to be alone. You were my first "love" and I thought you would be my only. However I was neither one of those for you. I was just someone to take up time and space. Someone for you to hold at night until she came along. Some of us can figure out what "she" has that we don't. I have figured that out, she gave you all of her that I would not sacrifice. I would not let my self be consumed by you any longer, you realized that and got out fast. You knew that I wasn't going to be there for ever I know you sensed that. I would not let myself be ridiculed and belittled for having an opinion. I would not let myself be hurt by you any longer. I grew up in the months we were together, I grew up only to be hurt by #2.

I should have known right off the bat that number 2 would be a mistake. He was the rebound. He was the getting over number 1 He was the "ha look at me I'm not a pathetic looser who can't get over you" Well, over time I grew to fall in love with this boy, Yes I say boy, he wasn't quite a man yet, and he still is a boy in his mind he will never grow up. That was the main problem with him, he wouldn't grow up, He wouldn't marry me. He broke up with me, left me because he was scared of how in love with me he was. He took the short easy way out and in the end he took another piece of my already broken heart.

I'm not sure if number 3 is even worth talking about. He used me, for what I am still not certain of. But I think in ways I used him. I used him for the false hope that someone loved me and cared for me. He was brief and he was easy to forget.

The reason I write this is because I am more happy now then I have ever been in my entire life. Someone has searched these men down and he has found the broken pieces of my heart and he has sewn them back together and made me whole once again. He has taught me the real meaning of love and how to give love and receive love unconditionally. He makes me shine in a way that these past lovers never could imagine. What I had given them he has taken back and given to me 3 times fold. Life couldn't be more sweet then it is at this very moment. When I finish this letter and turn off this computer and go to my bed I know that even though he may physically not be here in my bed with me he is most definitely here in my heart. I will never forget what these men have done to me, and the only way I would ever forgive them is because without them I would not be the Woman I am today. I thank every star in the sky for sending me my one true love. And I thank whoever it was to have introduced me to the men that have turned me around and turned me into someone who knows what true love can now be.