I hope you still remember who I am. It is Jenny. I hope you still let me call you my love.

Yesterday, I left you a mail telling you that I am going to leave for a few days and so I cant write you mail. I also told you that you can still write me mails and Karen, my best friend, will help me to collect them for me... Blah Blah Blah.. Actually, I am still online every day. I am sorry that I tell lies. But I have my own reason.

I think we stilll remember that we had little cold war a few weeks ago about I didnt write to you, but actually I did. After that, I told you that I want you to show me more your love to me. I want to get more emails from you. Then, I was so happy that you did write more and you even told me that your feelings for me are very strong and you won't quit loving me that easy. I am so glad to hear that even when I am thinking about all those sweetest things that you have said to me. Maybe you are very busy at your business. You didnt write much or that often to me now. You didnt even sign " Your Ola" or " Love you" at the end of the note that you left me. Maybe you think I am too sensitive. But do you still remember when I didnt sign " Your Jenny". You will also doubt whether there is something wrong too. I am just having the same feelings that you did.

I always believe that no matter how busy you are, you still can squeeze some time to leave me a note. But I think I am wrong. This belief doesn't not seem to be applied to every one. Maybe you think that after having a busy day, all what you want to do is eat and sleep. But do you know that I always want to hear from you?

I am sad these days. I am sick also. But it seems that you do not put this on your mind anymore. I dont know. I just feel that you dont love me as much as you are used to be. This can be proved by the way you lead. I have been in love with you almost 7 months. The most easiest way to keep in touch is E-mail. But I get fewer and fewer mails from you when time flies. You said you are fixing ICQ so that we can chat again just like the days we met. It seems that the day when you have fixed ICQ will never come. If you are so eager to chat with me again, how come you still havent got it fixed? I remember all those promises that you have made. I wish I didn't have a good memory. Your video tape, your pictures.. where have they gone? I am so scared to carry on to count on them.

Am I so demanding? You sent me CD, chocolates, tape..for me. You made cards for me. All those things make me so warm and happy. I still keep every single things that you have given me. When I am wondering of whether you still love me, I will think of those things and I will believe that you do love me.

Ola, you are in Sweden and I am in Hong Kong. I have known about this since we got to know each other. We knew that it would be hard to keep a long distance relationship. I still remember those days that we always say we will meet each other very soon. You even told me that you will try hard to visit me this year. Yes, I do believe in you. And I always want to visit you too. I mean it. But I sometimes feel frustrated or... cos I really do not know when we will meet. Next month? this June on your birthday? This December on my birthday? Who knows? I know you are not making much money and it is not easy to. I am not either.

I tell lies to you of leaving for a few days not writing you is because I should get used to live without you. I should be like this rationally. But my emotional mind tells me that I can't. I should put a full stop on us because I feel so secure. I am so scared that one day you will tell me: " Jenny, we have to grow apart" or " Jenny, I have fallen for someone else" or " Jenny, we cant work out" or... Please do not misunderstand that I am afraid of these to be the one who left behind so that I need a break before you tell me you want to end. I need a break because I have no confidence in myself. I am sorry Ola. I do really love you. I love you more than you know. I can say that I will never forget you and I will love you till I die. I never thought that I would meet someone like you. I wont forget all those happy times that you have brought me. You contented my life.

I dont want you to feel annoyed by me of getting mails from me telling you that I need you to tell me how much you love me... I think you get tired of me already.

Ola, I dont know what to say right now. I dont know when I will send this letter to you or maybe I will just keep it for myself. I do now know whether you will write me a mail asking or worrying I have been gone for a few days though I have left you a mail. I am not begging anything. I do not expect anthing from you now. I think that would make me feel better because if i get anything from you, it is regarded as a surprise from you. Ola, I think I have done what I can do in this relationship. Everything I do is for you. I dont count on how many words that you wrote to me. I know we cant weight the love. But now I am just acting like a narrow minded silly girl. I want to be mean to you. If you send me a short mail, you will get me a short mail. What you do is what you get. But I cant be that mean.Ola, if there is a chance, I am always willing to meet you somedays in the future. I am serious. I do think that we can meet if you still want to. The last thing that I want is: Keep in touch. I think having a break is good to both of us. If god thinks that we are a pair, we will finally be as one again.

Take Care,