Sometimes I can sit here and think about you, and no one else. About the chances we had together, about the love that comes only once in a life-time. The first-time thing.

It's the way you used to smile when I held you and giggle and bubble as we laughed over the silly little things. Those silly little things meant the world to you didn't they?

Although there were no in-depth conversations of love and relationships, or that perfect dress that would hang in your closet, I always knew that someday it would come, and I was patient as I waited. And somehow I felt deep inside you were waiting too.

But with a God so high and powerful, it was destiny to lose you wasn't it? You were so perfect and me the 'un' of the family. But together we could be great, we could go somewhere. Then the 'could' hung in the balance between fate, and yes, fate had won.

Oh, I mourn for your loss for so long. Sitting by your crib wrapped in plastic and covered with old blankets and sheets. Mom couldn't bare to look at that old crib again with that baby smell choking the room. And she couldn't accept it. Neither could I. For awhile.

That was than, this is now.

I have my own child now, and I named her after you. Bethany. Oh sweet Bethany already knows little words and she bubbles the same sweet innocent ways that you used to 'once upon a time'. I can look at her and forgive myself for never saying goodbye. But never-the-less I wrote this letter for you and hope you receive it some day. Because I want to have the last word with you, to make up for all those lost words and memories.

Sweet Bethany, rest in peace.