I never thought I'd be writing one of these to you. One of these goddamned 'lost friendship' letters, but here it is.

We used to be so great, Stef. There are so many memories. Right from the time we first became good friends. I can probably pinpoint the exact moment. I think it was a little while after your friend Matt died, and your little circle of friends fell apart. I called you up, and invited you to my house when a bunch of people were over. It was the first time I saw 'punky Stef'. You scared me out of my mind that day, but for some reason, after that we were inseparable.

In January when we really became 'good friends' and roger called you a donkey, I made a whole big joke out of it, changing their nickname for you from dinky to rinky. We had thoughts of making a band, in which I would play the kazoo, and you would do vocals.

You were there when I met George, and then 6 months later, when we were known as being 'chronically attached at the hip' of course I dragged you along to Roosevelt Field to meet him in person. After him and I got together nothing in our friendship changed. Obviously it was because he lived so far away, but even when we started hanging out every weekend, our friendship was unaffected.

Things were perfect until Kevin came along. Yes, he is a very nice boy. Yes, I approved (notice the past tense), yes he is soo much better than the other losers you've dated, and I guess that's why I'm so jealous. I completely understand you wanting to see him, and hanging out with him so much. I could even be happy for you...

But not when it affects our friendship like this. It's gotten to a point we're lucky if we get in a decent call every week. I've seen you twice in the past three months, and before that, whenever we would hang out, Kevin would come. We haven't had a 'Sarah-Stefanee day' in months.

I guess the last straw for me was the other day. When I called you because I was bored out of my mind and I missed you. I wanted to see you and your new apartment which after two months I haven't seen. You had plans with Kevin already, but to my surprise you told me you would cancel them. I was ecstatic. I was finally going to see Stef's apartment, and we would finally have our Sarah-Stefanee day. You called back a few minutes later to tell me that "Kev is coming to dinner." You didn't even ask me that time. You just announced it. You knew I didn't want it, and yet you invite him to join in on our Sarah-Stefanee day?? Especially when you saw him the night before.

It hurt. I waited until my father got home, hoping he would be terribly mean and forbid me from going, but he was happy to let me, so I called you back and I lied. I have never lied to you, I just couldn't deal with the fighting if I told you the truth.

I called you later that night, and invited you to the mall the next morning. You asked if you could invite your mother along. Although I have been getting weird signals from your mother, I said sure.

I'm guessing I wasn't supposed to hear your mother say under her breath "I'm not going with her." but I did.

And I guess I shouldn't be offended by your loser brother calling me a dyke, but I am.

And I guess I shouldn't be upset that you found a guy that treats you right, but I want my Steffi back. My pink haired skinny short little dork friend. Who wrote a whole poem about how we were "attached at the hip."

I miss you, Stef. And I miss seeing you. But I guess if you're giving up like this, there's no point in killing myself to keep the friendship. And the thought that this just isn't important to you anymore kills me, Stefanee. And the thing that hurts me the most is that when you and Kevin end (there is no doubt in my mind that this will happen), you'll come crying to me, and expect things to snap back to the way they were...and I'm not sure if I want that.

Maybe I'll see you around sometime.