I hate you!

No... I love you! I can't decide. I need to consult with someone close to me. Wait... who's that? Closest thing I have is you, but you barely know me. You know the BS I hide myself in, sure, but do you know ME me? I'm not funny. I'm not spiteful. I'm not depressed. I'm not happy. I'm not completely contented with everyone, but ESPECIALLY not myself. Haven't had the gall to speak with you about anything but my sleep schedule or how pathetic my life is. I'm just that guy out to make everyone laugh. AND DAMN YOUR BOYFRIEND! You know how awful it is that with somebody as intelligent, beautiful, talkative, sensitive, knowledgeable, and in every other way CUTE as you has to be stolen by somebody I could NEVER COMPETE WITH simply because he looks good? I'm as ugly as most of my bodily secretions with today's standards, sure, but I'd say I'm rather deep if it didn't make me sound egotistical.

Why must teen love (Hell... all our famous couples, too) be so superficial? I'm ready for romance and all my friends are merely fascinated with breasts. Can I come join your social group? You seem so happy with it, as it does with you. Your friends (from what I can tell) don't use, deal, or grow drugs. Your friends don't have overflowing trunks of pornography. And I DON'T CARE how much of a nerd you or any of your friends think you are. You're close friends. That's all that matters. You have fun together. My friends bide their time insulting each other. Maybe I'm writing this all on an emotional surge, but you have to be the closest thing I've considered to love these pathetic fourteen years I've spent living. This is the first time I've felt so strongly about anything. Maybe it scares you that this is not the Jon you've come to know, but rather an obsessed child with emotional problems. Sorry. this is the real me. Do you understand? You can completely disregard anything on this paper if you don't understand. Hell... disregard me. It's what most people choose to do... but if you do understand, I feel almost in debt to you. You'd be the most wonderful person I'd ever meet for taking the time to understand perhaps one of the most unorthodox minds in the world. Thank you, either way, for being my unattainable love.

Cold, drinking soda, and listening to bad music outside in a lawn chair thinking of you,