I've always felt privileged to have such a great relationship with you. We attend such a small school so the fact that you're a grade younger than I makes no difference. I was actually surprised when I first acknowledged you and you actually said "hey" back. I wasn't attracted to you-just mesmerized. Everything you did and said fascinated me because it was always something that I would have never done.

You were the kid who no one liked at the beginning of the year. I guess it was hard for you to compete with the cutie John and the comedian Billy but you got passed it. We became friends and suddenly I watched as all the girls in your class began to take interest. I didn't feel like I was you're friend, I felt like I was your sister. I was so proud of you. But then things changed.

You got a girlfriend- the most popular girl in the class. Our relationship changed. I began to envy Brett because she got you and all you talked about was her. Our short conversations became more important to me. Before when I called you Sean and you called me Bob is was funny but soon I became dependent on seeing you write "damn, bob." I needed you. More than you or anyone else could ever imagine.

Weeks passed and I secretly admired you. Everything you did entertained me. When you'd talk about Brett I would flinch. I guess it was a reaction to my heart breaking just a little bit. When I told you I loved you, or called you a sexy boy- you would think I was joking. I wasn't.

When we'd pass in the hall or talk on-line I would be in heaven. When you'd say I was cute, funny, or nice I wouldn't stop smiling. I don't think you ever could understand how you made me feel. You'd never understand my love for you.

One night we were talking. "Just to let you know, I like Katie." As soon as those words left your mouth my heart broke straight in half. Katie. Why Katie of all people? Why my best friend? I tried to keep smiling but I suppose you could see my eyes water and my chin quiver. "Want me to see if she likes you, Steve?" I don't know why I asked that. "Would you??" Of course I didn't ask. I told him "sure" but after that I walked home. I walked into my room and cried all night.

The following day I didn't go to school. It was too hard for me. When you came home we talked online. "Can I ask you a question?" I was about to say "I have to go" in fear you're question would be "why didn't you ask Katie for me?" but it wasn't. I read each word of your question separately. "I broke up with Brett today." That was the first part. I sucked in as much air as my lungs would hold and my heart stopped beating until I finished reading the second part. "...and I was wondering if you'd go out with me." My heart began beating again. Extremely fast. "Of course!!"

Three hours passed. I was the happiest person in the world. Until you came on-line again. "Brianna, I have to tell you something." I clicked over to my instant message from Mark and told him how I "I have to tell you something" can never mean anything good. "To be honest with you, I don't like you has a g/f just as a good friend." I didn't say anything to you. I just cried. "OK so..." After I wiped my tears I could talk. "I think we should go back to being just friends. Are you mad?" I wiped more tears away. "No, not at all." Being mad and being heartbroken are two different things, right?

I clicked back over to Mark. "'To be honest with you, I don't like you as a g/f just as a good friend.' That's BAD right?" Mark laughed with me and called you a jerk. I tried to make this into a joke. By now I should realize that nothing good can possibly happen to me. Why am I so heartbroken then?

I still have yet to face you. I don't know if I'm going to smile, remain expressionless, or break down and cry. Maybe it's best this way. Maybe it's not. I just hope you know what you're doing. You stole my heart from me and you were careless. You broke it, Steve. And it hurts. It hurts badly. "You can drive nails into a new fence and take them out but the holes are always there." You can break my heart and try to make things better but the holes are always there. You can take back what you've done to me and try to make things better and on the outside they will be but my heart will always have a hole from when you were careless.

"Just good friends." What the hell does that mean? I don't know if I can be "just good friends" with you. I love you, Steve, and I love you so much I won't be able to joke around with you again like I could before. I'm always going to be reminded of when you took my heart and you were reckless with it. You obviously didn't give you're heart to me. You'll find another girl. Another person to play with. Another heart to break. And if you don't remember me as I person, just remember that "Bob" loved you. I'm not going to take my heart back- you can keep it. No one will want a wounded heart and I don't know if I want to take it back from you. I still love you, Steve...

Never Forever