Four years is a long time. A long time for a couple of kids to be fooling around. It's a long time for me to wait to hear those three little words. But I'll tell you that it was worth it...Every minute since I've met you has been leading up to the moment when you would say "I love you!"...and mean it. Ever since we were ten and you walked into my life...Ever since we were 13 and you kissed me...I've been waiting to hear those words.

Seven years since you walked into my life. Four years since we turned that corner and started...this!! When you said you loved me that first late night on the phone when you were breaking my heart and trying to scoop it all back up at once, my heart stopped. I shuddered to think that you could love me and treat me like that. But I tell you, I'm glad I waited you out. I'm glad I waited until your fascination with her came to it's inevitable end. I'm glad that I loved you too much to give up when things were just getting good...and getting worse.

I know I don't always tell you that I love you back. It's not that I don't love you...because I do. God, do I love you! It's just that I'm scared...I'm scared of being hurt again. I'm scared that this isn't all going to end the way I want it to...fifty years down the road with a few kids and some grandchildren under our belts. I'm scared that your restlessness will end you up in a place you don't want to be...or worse. And I am so scared to admit to you that I love you...because once I say it - loud and clear - I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop.

I don't know how I feel about things now. I know that I love you, and I believe that you love me, but are things ever going to change? I don't like seeing you once every week or two. I like to hold your hand. I like to sit in my bed, with my legs in your lap, and talk. I like sitting in your friend's dirty living room while you take bets on my vocabulary...And I like you. But we've got a long way to go...And the road is long, and it winds, and I love you but who knows how far it climbs?

I love you,