I'm sorry. What can I say other than I am truly sorry. I was absolutely head-over-heels in love with you. I've never felt so close to someone, and I'm sorry I judged you.

But you angered me so! I was so true to you. I never said anything bad about you, I was always there for you. I lied for you. I was there when you called me, crying on the phone. And you did your fair share of taking care of me. But you absolutely drove me crazy.

I was devoted to you, and you were devoted to James. How could you be? He treated you so badly, and he insulted you on a daily basis. He used the past against you, which was totally unfair... it's not like you were an adult making those choices. But you remained true to him. And I was jealous, I admit it. I was so incredibly jealous. So I digressed.

I went to him. I had to know, I had to know exactly what made you so fiercely in love with him. I had to know what kept you from seeking better. And I don't mean me. God, we both know you aren't even open to this. And I'm comfortable with that, I don't even know if I could satisfy you in that respect, or if you could satisfy me in that respect.

But I'm beginning to think that I wanted to. I loved taking care of you. And you made me feel so special. Remember when you'd come over to my house, after staying at James', to sleep.. and you'd bring me breakfast? Remember how we'd go out and do everything together? Remember how you'd call to see how I was? Remember how you'd give me meds if I had a terrible headache? Remember all those nights by the pool?

I really treasured you. I had to do something so drastic though, didn't I? I couldn't just ask you why you wouldn't leave him for me, could I? I had to go figure it out for myself. I know why, and I'm sorry. But you lied to me.

I hate being lied to. And I hate lying. I just felt so rejected. You always used to talk about Andrea, too. How she was your best friend... how she was so beautiful... how she was so creative.

And I didn't stop seeing James after our huge fight because I had nothing left. I lost all of my friends (Shawn..etc..), and I lost you. He was all that was left. Everyone else was away. I bet that made you happy. I hurt you so you hurt me.

Now, I'm gone. And I don't even know if you miss me. I think you do. I think that you still talk about me fondly, and then you say "but she lied to me. she betrayed me." And then you hang out with Michelle, and you realize that you miss my conversation. And then you hang out with James and you realize that you miss how I was nice to you.

I loved you. I know you loved me. So, why didn't it work? Did you want me to yell at you and call you a slut? Did you want me to be late all the time? Did you want me to call you stupid? Did you want me to tell you that you were a worthless liar? I couldn't do that, so I guess I was undeserving.

Well, I've moved on. But I still sit outside at night, and I have a cigarette. And I think of how things were, and it really hurts that they had to end. It really hurts that you don't love me anymore.

Regretfully,

Meghan