It is with a heavy heart that I come to you with this letter.

It is with fear that I must endure the anger that will follow...an explosion of emotion that none of us can endure any longer, I am sorry but you know in your heart its true. However, it is something I must do for myself as well as your daughters!

I believe somewhere along this path we lost each other...we are now not; it seems, on the same wavelength at all. This is nothing but fact...NO accusation at all. When I came back to try again you were right there paying attention but as time marched on the same old same old started to creep back, behaviors you said you had changed BUT was obvious you hadn't really done any work on them! It's like you channel through me and do not get insight stuff like that for yourself, I cannot do that anymore! You received a gift once (A burst of energy) but did nothing with it. Since then I have noticed a downward spiral. I am again finding that I am fearful of you as well as angry...you make me uncomfortable I am so sorry BUT it is true.

You fight with the kids...and now we all feel one wrong move and BAM! we are going to get it! You want to learn about life BUT never do the work to follow your own path. You keep going over the same over & over. When do you take control of your own life!!? Your inner child is very angry or so it seems, and that child will not let go...it seems that it gets a lot of satisfaction from hurting others! Not an accusation just observation!

You are well intentioned I am sure BUT you head makes promises that your heart has no intention of keeping. When called on the promise, you become enraged in a way that fills the room like a big scary monster. We all feel it BUT you are unaware that you are doing this OR are you? I really wonder sometimes! Whether you want to hear it or not, this is how you make ALL of us feel who are on the receiving end. WE cannot and will not play this way any longer. Your lack of interest in solving your issues dumbfounds me I mean you have had the same issues for years and even 'seemed' to have them under control that was until you got comfortable about us, then WHAM back to the same old problems. That leads to the total shut down. Its like you are capable of canceling people out, I know this is how it works in me!! I feel so blank and the more I try and state my point the more you vibe to make me feel off-balance. Its bullshit!! Sorry BUT really! NO ONE here does that to you why do you have to go there with the ones you say you love? Don't get that, never have NEVER will don't want to as its NOT healthy. For 21 years helped you with your issues and for 21 years you have practically, if not blatantly, slapped me in the face by showing me you have done NO work at all on resolving that issue....ya know its YOUR responsibility to take care of you!! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FIRST TOLD ME THAT!!! So what's up huh? Why do you never follow your own advice?

For 21 years I have endured this on again off again, "oh yes I am working on my issues" and pump me for insight then go back into the world and NEVER use it and then complain that your life is not working and can I HELP? The answer was always yes....never denied no matter how many times I wondered if I was wasting my time as I was the receiver of the abuse so it was getting US nowhere! BUT no never did I say no..... I am now though...its NO for sure this time...the recent incidents that happened since I have moved back was the straw I think. One incident was when you fought with Brandi....interesting observation you made to her about a high horse...seems you need to get off yours in order to speak from knowledge. She was defending a friend..She resolved the issue for me when she said she would pay for the broken chairs..All of a sudden you went from 0 - 190 in the anger area.....You scared the shit out of me & it is why I went into peacemaker mode. I am so scared of you, am not sure you are of how much, it is a lot! That is why I didn't come to you personally or alone. You still need me to tell you what is wrong with US!! We are individuals NOT connected at all especially now you don't ' really know me or understand what path I am to take, that is ok, truly is, don't NEED you to. BUT because of it I have to make a new life without you. The other night when you got frustrated and yelled at me for not understanding the site was the moment it was clear you and me can not live together, I am no longer interested in what is bothering you cause its what you hold onto as your birthright. So you are NOT going to change it that's a proven fact..time did that as I sit before you now having this letter READ for me! If you ever cared for us, the kids, anything having to do with this family you will go quietly and find your own way for a change.

In closing I would like to say that I am really deeply sorry that there is no other possible way. I care for you but do not love you, you have just pushed me away too many times and the kids, you just don't get that one AT ALL, and no ones cares to go over it a million more times so don't even go THERE now! So the feelings are just not there anymore. I wish you nothing but good things but you must walk your own path now. I thank you for the gifts of life you have given me but I must depart from the journey now cause I have a new road to follow as do you NOW if you can ever get to the point of seeing it that way. What will you do? The choice is yours, in your heart I think you know I am right. At least you will empower yourself that way as we all have done.

I would also like to say always look for the Love from the inside from above and not others self-love first..All else follows after that..After all it's free to those who ask and brings much happiness in the long run!

Love & Light,

Jackie