Well I thought I'd be nice and send you a picture of your daughter. Although I don't really think you deserve it. I try not to be so angry towards you, but it's hard. I waste so much energy being angry at you. You seem to come up in many conversations, and I always end up getting upset. Why? I should not be going through this. We did this together. We both made this beautiful girl, so why is it that I have to do this on my own? Why do you get off so easily? I know that you blame me because I left you (as you put it). And you are right, I did leave you. That was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. But when I left I told you that I would never keep your daughter from you like Joyce did. All of my friends give me a hard time because they know that I would let you see Jordan if you wanted to. They don't understand why. And I ask myself the same thing. The only reason I can come up with is because I do not want Jordan to hold anything against me when she gets old enough to realize what is really going on.

It is all going to come down on you. You are the one she is going to be angry with. I know she has been asking questions the past few months about her "daddy", but soon she is going to be able to understand the answers I give her. She is going to want to know more. Right now it makes me so mad because I don't bad mouth you at all in front of her. I have to make you up to be this wonderful person who is just not there right now. Why do I have to do that? Why can't she know the truth? Well the answer to that..she is to young right now. But soon she will understand. How do you tell a child that their father makes no effort to see them or talk to them on the phone? That would tear any child apart. And it hurts me so much when she asks questions. I just want you to know that I never say anything but nice things about you to her. She is to young to understand the truth right now. Hell I am 24, and I don't even understand.

You always told me about Joyce, and made me feel sorry for you because she would not let you see Christopher. And I honestly felt sorry for you and hurt with you. But now I don't know if I even believe that story now. The reason I say that is because of what you are doing to Jordan. I don't know what to think anymore. You are not the person that I used to know. Where did the Joe that I knew go? The Joe that I knew had a heart. His little girl was his pride and joy. He loved his daughter to death. I don't see how someone can turn their back on a child like they don't exist. Yes, that is the way I see it.

We have been apart for a little over two years now. And how many times have you seen Jordan since then?? Two. Count them, two times. Go ahead and give me the same excuses. I am used to them now. Although they still anger me. I do understand that it is hard since you are so far away, but I still don't see any effort on your part. In two years what have you done for her?? You have not even sent as much as a card for the past two birthdays or Christmas'. Your mother has done more for her than you have. The only reason that you call anymore is to tell me that you are still having trouble getting insurance for her. But that's ok, it will come back around (look at Joyce). You don't even call to say hi to her or to check on her. Why? That's ok, don't even answer. I don't want to hear any more excuses. Just to let you know I do have a case against you for child support already. But I am fighting with the fucking state. They don't seem to want to help. But that's ok, my time will come around.

I don't know why exactly I am writing this letter. I guess to get all of this off of my chest. This seems to be the only way I can let you know what/how I am feeling. You know I am not good at talking. When I get you on the phone I always have so much to say, but I freeze up. I can't be mean, and I don't know why. I have every reason to be.

I am also writing this letter so that I can finally let go of the anger and move on with my life. I have not been in a serious relationship since you until recently. I know that it is my fault, because I was holding that anger that I had towards you against every other man. How was it so easy for you to move on? Because you don't have to look at Jordan everyday and hurt for her. Don't take this letter the wrong way, I just wanted to let you know how I was feeling. I am past the anger now. I just hope that we can work through this now. I hope this letter wakes you up some. But I won't count on it. If I sound bitter I am sorry, but I feel much better now.

Jennifer