I can remember when it wasn't personal. When I didn't have a problem with you, when I liked you. But it was awhile ago and somewhere along the line, things changed. And now I hate every aspect of you. From the way you eat to the way you've forced religion into my family, from the way you laugh at your own jokes to the way you control my mother. I hate you. It's personal now.

I remember when you were merely a friend of our family. Dad and mom were unhappily married and you were a solace that each family member sought when in need to a kind word. I remember when I liked you so much and I hated my father so much that I wished you were my father. And now I've learned my lesson. The old saying "be careful what you wish for--you just might get it" I guess isn't just an old saying anymore. It's a phrase I vow to never repeat again.

Now you've somehow managed to weasel your way into the family. You've forced yourself onto my mother and you're controlling her. You took advantage of her past abuse. You took advantage of the fact that she's attracted to controlling men because of the abuse from her father. I hate you for that. Hasn't she been through enough? You're a sick man. You don't belong in our family, you don't even belong in your own. No wonder your wife left you.

I also hate you for the whole religion issue. You're a former pastor...you had your pastors licensee striped of you. Anyway, you brought religion into my family, and it not only makes me angry, but also very uncomfortable. I have nothing against anyone of any religion. But I just don't believe. I believe in Darwin's theory of evolution, and the "big bang" theory and Karma and past lives. And I can't tell mom because it would hurt her so much. Thanks to you. So now I sit in a church service feeling out of place. I've always felt that way around you, not that I ever really cared.

But you're going back to Canada on Sunday, where you belong because your visitor's visa ran out. I don't quite understand the immigration laws, but I'm thankful for them. And by being here these last few days makes it so worse on mom. You're doing it purposely. And the day you leave will be one of the happiest days of my life. I'll wear a big smile on my face the day you pull out onto the road and set your journey to Canada.

What hurt most of all is you never accepted me for me. you always sensed my issues towards Christianity and you never accepted me for that reason. My father never accepted me for me either. And if you and mom ever get married it will be a sorry repeat of the first 14 years of my life. And I can guarantee you, I will not go down without a fight. And if I lose, you lose too. I know your intentions are to come back after awhile and corrupt the family even more. Haven't you done enough? I will move in with Cari in Illinois if you set foot in the United States. I am not going to be miserable in my own house and just keep coating my days until I graduate and move out and go to college. What will be my graduation present? A bible? HA!

I just wanted to send this before you go off to Canada. Even though you'll never read it, I'll find solace in it as I once found it in you.

Unforgiven,

Nicole