Why is it that I still think of you from time to time? Why is it I still worry about you, that people still ask me about you?

I was so young when I first met you, yet I thought I knew so much. I gave you everything Joe, and you threw it all away. It's not as if it was always so bad, I forget that sometimes. You were wonderful once, you loved me and you showed it. You made me feel special. Then something happened, maybe it's my fault for going away, maybe you would have changed anyway. Hell, maybe I'm the one who changed.

But when I came back you weren't the same. I could never do anything right and either could you. I hung on for dear life. I didn't know how to live without you. I would have done anything for you. I did things with you I swore I would never do. I was weak, you made me weak. You made me think I was nothing, you were down and you brought me down too.

And when you didn't show up, well I was expecting it sooner or later. I told myself I didn't care, that I was fine without you, better off - which of course I was. But you hurt me, you hurt me deep. I can't blame you for everything, it's my own fault too, and there was so much else going on. But Joe, the things I did. Why didn't anyone stop me? Why didn't anyone grab me and shake me. You brought me to that point, Joe. I would have had the strength to deal with the rest if you hadn't brought me so low.

For the next year, as I dealt with my depression with beer and guys I became your therapist. If I couldn't fix me I would have to fix you. I came running whenever you called. You played your sob story for me and I fell for it every time. And when you just wanted to take it out on someone, I was the one you called.

You haven't called in awhile; I think you heard through the grapevine how I feel. I'm done with you Joe; I'm tired of being your emotional punching bag. I'm tired of playing therapist. I can't do it any longer. Sometimes I think of you, wonder if you're ok, if your still alive even - or if the drugs finally got you. But I don't call; I don't even reach for the phone because I don't ever want to go there again.

In case you're wondering, I'm happy now. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I've found someone new. Someone who respects me and thinks I'm wonderful. Someone who calls not to pour out all his sorrows, but to make sure I'm ok. I don't know if you'll find what your looking for Joe, but I hope you do. I hope it all works out for you and that sometime I hear through the grapevine that you're happy too.

Sarah