Funny you should go right after my birthday, you would have never done that if you knew it would have hurt me, I know you and that just wasn't your style. But, what's it for me to know, you were one of my best friends, I would have never let you go. Don't let me bring it back again, don't let me return what I've put so much strength into for the last year. I remember we used to play truth or dare and I always choose truth because you always make me do the most horrible things if I did choose dare. I miss you and I know all those months I've put myself through the pills and doctors, for me, it was nothing compared to what I think I did to you that night. No I didn't do anything, it was Teri's fault, I'm not going to lie. I don't see her anymore, she said she needed to get away, and I've never heard from her again. I think it was me who made her so guilty. Sorry, but I needed to make me feel I had nothing to do with it. So I laid it all on her. When obviously, when I think about it, it was me. You deserve anything in this world dammit, I would give it to you.

I know there's no way you would read this but I don't believe anything is impossible either. That's me, the believer, and I still am. I grew so much. I know you're watching me grow and every time I grow a little, there's the little figure of you inside me dancing as you always did. You were such a good dancer. So graceful and elegant, I can't stand comparing your hands with mine. You've always had beautiful hands. Your nails, they're like an angel's wings. Spread them and fly, but this time, take me with you.

Will you ever be able to forgive? I don't remember you as the forgiving type but you could have changed. I believe in adjustment. There's me again, the believer. But will you? Really? There's so much I want to say to you, hug you, hear you talk, but once I did I know I will never let go of you. You were not only beautiful, you were exceedingly brave beyond belief.

Once you told me something.. respond to everything. If I get hungry, I'd eat. If I get tired, I'd sleep. And if I get hurt, I'd find a cure. You told me to take action upon what I hold. This is it.

So there. It's your turn.

Rest in peace my darling, I can't write well but this is the best I can do. I'm not over you yet, but I can sleep at night now. I can read quietly without crying. I can think about you without mum ringing Janey. I don't have to write you anymore letters saying how sorry I am. By the way, did you ever get them? I doubt it. Once I found a whole pile of them in one of Janey's drawers. I'm at the stage where it's you who I should find love and peace, and not feel so miserably disturbed. You should see me now. And maybe, for once, I could be just as brave as you were. I know I'm not, but I'm getting there. Just be a believer like me.

This is my last letter to you. I don't have to write anymore. All the beautiful times I've had with you still remains in my head, and all the heavenly emotions of our friendship will always remain in my heart.

Live eternity babe.

Forever,