Everything happened so quickly and so intensely with us- I should have been afraid, but you said that you'd never hurt me, and I believed you. I trusted you so much that I let my guard down and fell deeply in love with you.

Do you remember it all as vividly as I do? We made plans-our wedding (me-- "I don't want a big wedding-I just want you."), a honeymoon (the bed and breakfast in Maine you remember from your childhood), a family together (you-- "I want us to have a baby girl and watch you love her.").

We were so tender with each other. After we made love for the first time, we held each other and cried-me because it was the first time I'd ever really made love and been made love to, and I'd never experienced anything so beautiful; you for the same reason, but coupled with the guilt you felt that you'd been unfaithful to someone else by making love with me.

Then we had to face reality-your marriage, your children, careers, finance, living in different states, family. I was certain that our love would see us through anything. You believed it, too. But ultimately, it wasn't enough. You couldn't leave your family. You had to choose- and you chose to deny our love and the plans we'd made. I find it admirable, to some extent, that you're trying to make your marriage work-to raise your children in a "complete" nuclear family. My mind understands it, but my heart hasn't learned to accept it yet. I hope you've made the right choice-really I do. All I wanted was to make you happy. If I can't be a part of your happiness, I wish it for you nonetheless.

You were, you are, my first love. My biggest fear is that you'll be my only love. No one before you ever touched my heart that way you do-what if no one else ever does? You were a wonderful surprise-I wasn't looking to meet anyone when our paths crossed, and I certainly didn't expect to fall in love. However, it was more wonderful than I'd ever imagined and changed me irrevocably. I take some solace in remembering that if it happened once, it might happen again. But hope dies hard, my love-and real love never dies. I could not close without telling you that I will always be here for you, and I will always love you.

It's been over 6 months since we last said, "I love you." We talk occasionally, and it's always friendly, but not emotional, and I can't help but wonder if it's as difficult for you as it is for me to keep emotions out of it. As we're talking, catching up on each other's lives, I listen for longing in your voice, a sign that you miss what we had and want it back again. I know I hear it sometimes, and it comforts me-a kind of validation that our love was real, though our relationship was brief.

Life is a series of choices- every choice, right or wrong, ultimately begets another. If the choice you've made doesn't bring you the happiness you so deserve, choose again. Choose love. Choose us.

All my love-always,