You took everything from me, didn't you? Life sucked before we were together, but during the time we were together life became a living hell. But I stayed with you.

I remember the first time I called you - I thought you were suicidal, and I didn't want your death to haunt me. So I called to see if you were okay. That's when it began. You asked me out less than a month after that first call, and as soon as I said yes, you said "I love you." I guess that should have been my first clue, love shouldn't come so quickly. But I was young then, and the words made my heart melt.

My "friends" hate you, and I hated them, so it didn't matter. The reasons of their hatred were never good ones. I didn't abandon them, like they said I did. I didn't ignore them. I didn't tell you one thing and then tell them another. But that's what they thought. So they left me alone, and you were all I had left. So I stayed with you.

I'll never forget the things you'd say to me. You told me you wouldn't care if I killed myself. You told me that it was my fault that you almost jumped out of a 5th story window. You told me how much your parents hated me. You told me how much everyone hated me. You told me I was fat. You told me how everything I did was awful, and never good enough. You yelled at me for not being as egotistical as your are. I put up with all of that. I never let you see me cry. But I cried myself to sleep many times.

I've been told i'm too forgiving. Remember who told me that? You did. But you never saw how forgiving I was when it came to you. I forgave you for having sex with that other girl. I forgave you for lying to me about it when I asked you. (Remember how I finally found out about it? Those "friends" told me, in the hopes that I would dump you.) I forgave you for every awful thing you said to me. You dumped me five times. FIVE TIMES. You were the trap that I kept falling into. I knew I shouldn't go back. But depression does that to a person, I was kind of hoping you'd push me to kill myself, I hoped you would cut the last string that held me here. You almost did, more than once. I would take you back. I would sit and wait (sometimes for months) for the phone where you would ask me out again. Every time but the last time.

I can't believe you called again. It's been four months since we last spoke. You weren't supposed to call again. You were supposed to have moved on. But you called me from work just like you used to. You said you still loved me. Brian, you don't know what love is. You're just a lonely guy, like everyone told me. You're just looking for someone who will sit around every night waiting for your phone call. You just want to use me again. But I'm not as young as I was when I called you that first time. I grew up. Maybe someday you will to.

I loved you. That's right. It was love. I was willing to give up everything for you. I was going to give up college to be near you. ("Who's the bigger fool. The fool or the fool who follows him?") That's what love is, Brian. It's sacrificing. It's understanding. It's accepting (you never could accept my depression). Love is everything you weren't. It's all those things you'll never understand. But you know what? After everything that's happened, I forgive you. You don't know any better.

I'm a fool,