Yes, I was at your web page. You knew I would be, right? I'll have you know I was curious, I was wondering if you were bloody doing okay, when I loaded the page. I was curious about your well-being, because some idiot notion in me cares. There was no need to speak with you, just a need to know that you were doing well. I had no malicious feelings towards you at all, never have, probably never will. Not even now, do I carry the weight anger.

Do you feel better now? I hope you do; I hope it was worth it. Do you really hate me this much? Did I ever do anything so terrible, other than love you?

You do understand, I could take the personal things I know about you, that you told me in confidence, and plaster them all over the web, correct? I could be sure that everyone you know and care about sees them. I could put you down on my pages, to my friends or to anyone who will listen, but is there any point to it all? I'm not as low as you. I might not have a government-established education, but I am far smarter than many people give me credit for.

At first, you made me mad. Was that your objective? Or was it something more slimy you had manifesting in your vindictive little head? I was not mad because you said things about me. It was more an animosity induced by my own obtuseness. "Why did I tell her personal things?" Goodness knows I have seen what you did to Russ, Ben and anyone else who dared get the hell away from you and your severe scarcity of emotional (and mental?) solidity.

I should have known better, but I did not. I am irate with myself.

And what do I feel for you, my dear? Pity? Perhaps a part of me feels pity, however at the moment it is more of a festering disgust -- such as the feeling when one drinks sour orange juice. Partly a puzzled, "why can't I understand this person?"

You did not make me angry, you did not 'piss me off'. You made me sad. You caused me to reflect upon things in my life that hurt me (I'm sure this makes you happy). You caused me to reflect upon you and I, the time spent as 'friends', and what was lost, and what knowledge and faithless paranoia was gained.

I hope this is what you endeavored for, because this is what you get.

Walk with Ursus,