It is not fair what you have done to me, you said you would call and I waited and sat by the phone, you never called. I have been thinking about what I could have done to make you decide to end such a good friendship, a friendship between best friends. You said that you would call and we would talk about it but you would not say what it is that I have done?? You said I know but I don't know, and I guess I never will? What you have done to me is beyond hatred and beyond painful! You could have killed me tonight it would have been easier on me, but I guess that is not what you wanted, to make things easy on me. I guess that you feel I should suffer for what I don't know, but I guess I have done something so unforgivable that it is beyond talking through???

So let me tell you something when I said I loved you, I meant it, I love you more than life itself! I would have done anything for you, in fact I did, anything you wanted I did, anything you asked for I got for you, not because you loved me to, but because I thought if I did everything you asked someday you would, maybe you would?? Now I know that it will never happen and I can accept that, but you have no idea how I feel about you, how I felt about you. You can't ever understand, for you see I have a heart and it is broken and your heart is only made of stone, it can never be broken!

In the name of friendship I tried to pick up the pieces of my life after you told me that you did not feel the same way, that we were only friends and that is all you ever saw in me. It crushed me more than you ever saw, and I do not blame you for that, for I hid all of the pain deep inside so we could go on as friends. I thought if I could not be your companion in life, I would settle for your best friend in life. Now that you have taken that too, I am not sure what I am going to do, but I somehow feel that you never cared not even as friends?? All I see is how I gave and gave of myself blindly and how you took but never gave back. I gave you my time, my affection and most of all my money, because what is money you can't take it with you, now can you?

When you asked me to take off work and go to Tulsa I said sure lets go see Jon, while inside I wanted to cry at the notion of you asking me to go with you to see another man, I said sure just because you asked me to. The only thing that made it bearable was that I got to spend just a little more time with you. Even thought the car ride was only an hour, it was an hour that we were together and alone to laugh and talk and tell each other our hopes and fears, and sometimes just listen to the radio. At least we were together, spending time, something that is getting harder and harder to find where we are both free.

It hurts every time you mention your latest love of the week, but I would handle it in my own way, because I knew if you couldn't talk to me about it, then that would be one less reason to talk to me. So I would set my feeling aside and listen with compassion and understanding, in hopes that it would get easier as times passed, but I will never know, we aren't even friends any more. And I still do not know what for?

What are friends for? I am not sure I know the answer, but I am fairly sure you do not! At least you have not been a friend to me. I will cry myself to sleep tonight, but later in life this is probably the best thing for me, at least now I can be free, I have dropped everyone and everything for you. My last girlfriend, I never saw because I was always with you, not that is was your fault, I would have rather been with you. I only wished that you had felt the same way! Maybe now I can move on and make something of my life?

With all the hurt and pain,

Love Always,