Remember when we were little and we had "The Plan"? We'd go to sleep, but then you would wake up at midnight. You would wake me up too, and together we'd go downstairs and crawl into bed with Mom and Dad.

Of course, you never did wake up at midnight, and we never did get to execute our plan, but that's not what made it so cool. What made it cool was that we'd plan on it every night.

And when I went off to college, and Mom and Dad finally got us a car last year, who was the most fun to drive with? We'd put on Save Ferris really loud and sing at the top of our lungs (you, like a bird; me, like a frog). We saw rainbows, and I'd yell at you to clean out the car or to stop smoking.

You left last night. You snuck out of the house and that was it. You called while I was at work. Dad said you just told him you were in Virginia or something.

I'm not going to lay a guilt trip on you, really. I doubt that you even care about what's going on here at home. What I want to know is...why?

Nicki, we always said we were so lucky. Our family has always been the Brady Bunch to everyone else's Addams Family homelife. Was it too perfect? Is that why you left? Is it because Christina and I teased you last night while you were on the phone? Was I too much of an outgoing and successful older sister for you to feel inadequate in my footsteps? Why Nicki? When you have always been the prettiest, the smartest, and the most talented out of the three of us.

If this is a road trip, fine, I can appreciate the adventurous experience, but not the way in which you did it. You just left, Nick. No goodbye. Not even to ME: the one who has bailed you out more times than you can count on two hands, the one that freaks out at the tiniest thing, the one that has the best drinking story of all time (according to you). Do you really have that much contempt for all of us? Dad is depressed; Mom is a mess...she hasn't stopped crying. Christina is so angry and hurt and God only knows what else.

I feel empty. You know how I get when one CD is missing out of my CD case...something is missing. And it's not as trivial as a CD or anything...it's you. Our family isn't whole without you, no matter how you've always felt or whatever. Geez, even Uncle Andy is upset! (I know he's not your favorite person in the world...but he is upset.) I know you hate confrontation, but jumping in a car and driving to Florida was the last thing you could have done to avoid any.

Would you have done this if Papou were still alive? I can't guarantee you that he's not happy right now.

If you end up staying down there, I'm going to give your phone number to Grandma, and she'll call you every morning at 7:12am...you know she will.

Please come home, Nicki. We're all devastated that you're gone. If this is what you wanted to accomplish, then you've achieved it. Is it? Or are you just that selfish? I'd like to think not.

Your loving sister (no matter what you may think),