You were a part of my soul... still are and always will be.

We became so close under the guise of "best friends", but it was so much more than that. We were soul mates, we truly loved each other in our respective minds, we knew that the other was "the one". We never went out or had a real relationship. We were both too scared of that. For relationships could end so easily, we could both be hurt so easily... I wouldn't let you love me and you wouldn't let yourself believe. And so, it never substantially went further than us laying in each other's arms, sinking into the silences and just being there, with each other. But those days are gone. And she makes you happy. I can see that now. And I want... more than anything, for you to be happy. It took me too long to see beyond my own heartbreak, beyond my own pain, beyond lashing out as a result of that.

And because of my withdrawal and lashing out as a result of Her, I've lost you as a best friend. You no longer trust me. I no longer receive the same signals from you, signals that you care, that I am helping you in your life in some way. You never tell me your mind or your heart anymore. Our friendship has survived previous girlfriends of yours before, but now I can see it crumbling before my eyes. You told me that you had loved me so very very much... but only after it was too late to do anything about it. You told me that you had known you would marry me one day, but only after you held her hand. And kissed her.

And now, it's rather odd. I'm expected to treat this whole thing as if you were only and merely a friend. And you are allowed to treat it as if I am your ex-girlfriend. You are allowed pain, rejection, denial and jealousy. I am allowed none of these things. I am expected to remain in the background of your life. Always but never completely here. She makes you happy. I realized that tonight. I dreamed that I would be at your wedding... watching it from the back row. Watching my love... true love, marry someone else.

But she makes you happy. I used to be able to. Now I can't. I don't know what to do now, but I am only hurting us both by staying around... Shall I, could I, should I... let you go?

I love you more than you will ever realize, know or believe. When you leave, you will be taking a piece of me with you, a piece of my soul. I can't stay like this. I can't stay knowing that I could have made this so much more, that I could have had you, only I didn't believe it at the time. I can't stay knowing that nothing I do will make you happy. That only she has that power.

And so, I say goodbye.

And for the last time, I say "I love you." Where love means more than infatuation, puppy love or boyfriend-love. So much deeper than that. You are part of my soul, something that I am unable to say about anyone else.

If I had eternity to spend with only one person... it would be you. Once, you would have said the same, but now... your eyes turn towards her. And she has a good heart. I know her. I know that she will try her best. I feel as if I have failed you, as if I have given you less than my best. But I don't know what my "best" is.

I'm sorry,