It has been almost three weeks now since we last spoke. Maybe you think I have forgotten all about you, or even more so, think that I am alright with not talking to you, holding you, or just looking at you, noticing all the beauty that is you. Well, it's not alright. I'm not alright.

You have destroyed me.

When we were younger and weren't even friends, I used to stare long and hard at you, wondering just what was going on in that mind of yours; hoping that one day, someday, you'd actually find some reason to talk to me. Ah, I was always the weak one. The one who'd succumb to anyone's arguments. The one who, even when I was clearly right, would apologize anyway to avoid hurt or argument. But you, you were so different from that. You took the world by it's hair and showed everyone just who was in charge. You intrigued me back then, and nothing has changed that image of you.

Except that now I have loved you. You have let me love you. These past nine months, almost fifteen years after our very first meeting, I was finally able to just speak to you. And the more I got to know you, the deeper I fell. You taught me so much about myself; you taught me that it is ok to laugh at a sad situation, if it makes you feel better in the long run. You taught me to look at things from a visual perspective. You taught me that I should not run away from my family even if they try to run away from me. You taught me that it was ok to be exactly who I am, even if that means being a bisexual female in such a heterosexually-based world.

And with every kiss, Mindy, I felt that love that I had longed to feel my whole life. And even when you would tell me that you could never date me, I knew that you loved me back, I knew then. I just wish I could know now.

But perhaps the best thing you taught me, sweet one, was that I didn't have to be stepped on. I could simply say what I mean and not have to take anything that I shouldn't have to. You were always so strong, even in our youth, and that was to be admired. This was your most precious gift to me. The gift of strength. It is a shame that this very wonderful gift that I now hold so dear is the very thing that is keeping us from corresponding now. I know you think that I did something wrong, but I told you that I didn't and I know that I didn't. I know in my heart I did not do you wrong, but I cannot just call you and pretend to forget.

Sure, making like things do not matter could be the easy way out, but I am stronger now than when you first knew me, and as much as I love you, I cannot let you have that kind of control over me. If you do not believe me, that is not my problem anymore. I can only hope that one day you will realize just what you have lost in me. I have never felt a love like this in my entire life. I would give the world to you, Mindy. I'd fly to the moon and search out the brightest star, and figure out a way to catch it and bring it to your doorstep. But you won't let me anymore.

I guess we're both too strong for each other now.

Always,