I wish I could call you up and talk to you; cry and have you comfort me. I can't, though. Why am I upset? You've got someone else, and I have no one. Maybe I'm just jealous . . . but honestly - it hurts, and that's why I 'm upset. I want you to be happy more than anything in the world, and that means I have to let you have a clear conscience about going out with this Jessica girl. I sat there and told you to go ahead, I'll be fine - and when we hung up I cried. Like a baby.

I feel so selfish - wanting you to accept it if I find another guy, but not being able to accept it if you find another girl. I feel like I'm losing you forever. I feel like we can't go back now - you'll discover that you love this girl and you and me will never have our second chance. I feel so stupid and selfish.

I can't really tell you any of this, though. It wouldn't be fair to you. Why does this hurt so much? I feel like such a terrible person - part of me hopes you two won't last so that I can have you for myself again. And you thought I was sweet . . . I can't confide any of this to you, though. You like her, she likes you, and I have no right to stand in the way. Especially if you could end up happy with her. I would much rather have you not know and be happy than tell you and ruin a good chance for a good relationship. I would feel terrible if you didn't go out with her because of me - but I feel terrible now, too. It's a no-win situation.

It amazes me how much you really do mean to me. It's also kinda scary - I've always been so independent, not really needing anyone. But I can't express any of this to you. I honestly do hope that the two of you do well - and you better treat her good. I love you -