Do you remember last summer? Do you remember talking for hours about everything we could possibly have in common. When we talked about our fathers and our favorite songs. I thought I was getting to know someone amazing, someone with the soul more beautiful then mine, someone worth crying for and hurting for.

I have had a very difficult year. And my depression has put me in the hospital a few times, twice actually. Now, I know that's pretty bad. But I guess I just cant handle things very well. But I'm ok now. And I think I will be stronger then ever. But I have always been strong. I just believe in myself more then ever. And I know now that I need to lay to rest of some past experiences. To put them to the side and start over.

I met you online. And because I have pushed people away because of past experiences it made me think that I was not worthwhile. I never really had a stable man in my life, so I didn't know how to let a guy love me. I didn't know how much of myself to give him. So I gave all of myself to you. Enough to bruise me and hurt myself forever. Now you don't want to have anything to do with me. You have decided that I don't exist anymore. And that makes me feel so small. makes me feel like a fool.

I almost killed myself over you. I felt like there was nothing left to do. Nothing left to live for or to breathe for. Or to even believe in. I am trying to get over that feeling, that feeling of total and complete worthlessness (if that is a word). Isn't it amazing how much one person, one person can change your whole life. The way you think and breathe, how you think of things? I have noticed something. I am worth it, with or without you. It's ok to grieve over you. Like grieving over someone who has died. It's ok. Because it's normal. It's something that just happens. The pain, the tears, the feelings, it's normal. It's almost expected. But I refuse to make you think you have won.I refuse to let you think that I am no one. Because I am, someone. I am human and I went through your manipulation for a long time. That makes me someone, right? Yeah, I think so. I have to pat myself on the back and give myself credit for being strong enough to live through that. To live through your obnoxious ways. I didn't leave you because I thought that you were my soul mate.I thought that you were all I was worth and nothing more. I didn't think I deserved anything else. And I thought what you were giving me was love. But it wasn't. That's why I cant settle for less then what I am worth. Later you will realize what you gave up. You will realize where your shallow mind has left you. You know why, Justin? Because in your mind, no one will ever be better then you. Go ahead thinking that because I guess that's just how you protect yourself and how you make you feel superior. But I knew what you were like and that's what I did what I did.

I know now to not settle for anything less then what I am worth. And I am worth something. Because I am me and I know I have a good heart.

Goodbye,