I still do, and I want to be with you again. I'm still hopelessly in love with you, almost to the exclusion of everything else. It’s as simple as that.

I can’t stand seeing you every day at work and not being able to give you a hug or a kiss when we pass. Even though I’ve only been working for the same company as you for a few weeks, it's been the longest time I can remember. And the best moments of those days have been the hour in the car travelling to and from work. Each journey seems to last five minutes to me.

I sit next to you while you drive and I listen to the radio. I listen to the lyrics a lot. Nearly every song I hear when I’m in your car seems to be about wanting a lover back, or making a foolish decision to leave someone. I sit here now, typing this letter (which you’ll never read) and I still can’t believe I left you. We don’t talk much in the car. Me because if I open my mouth I’ll blurt out “I love you” at the wrong time and ruin everything, you because... well I don’t know. I make a joke and you laugh, like you used to, and then we lapse into silence again while Bryan Adams sings “When you’re gone, I realise I’m in love...”

Well actually, I do know why I left. We were in a bad situation back then, with your brother living with us. I realise he was there before we got together, but knowing that in advance didn’t make it any easier, and nor did the fact that he’s one of my best friends. It was always the easy option to go out on the town with him when you wanted to stay in. I can’t remember ever saying to him “No, not tonight, I’m staying in with the one I love.” And love you I did, even though I may not have shown it very well, but like they say, two’s company and three’s a crowd. The worst thing about that situation was that he announced he was leaving before I did. If only I’d stayed, we could have worked it out.

Over the months since I left, and since that calamitous day when I asked you to take me back (and you turned me down), I’ve thought about our relationship as it was, and I see now how selfish I was throughout. I did what I wanted, when I wanted to do it, and rarely gave much thought to your needs. I was so stupid. But being alone has made me grow up a bit.

I no longer feel the need to be out partying all the time. I’m quite happy now to spend Friday night sat in front of the TV, not in some club, swilling down the ale like it’s going out of fashion. Only I’d much rather be sitting next to you. That’s my dream at the moment, now that I have a job and my life is getting back on track. You’re the one thing missing. I’d give away my guitar, my PC, even my right arm just to have a second chance with you. Things would be different, I can assure you, because now I’m different. My priorities have changed. I’ve calmed down a bit, and I just want to be happy, and to make you happy.

As I sit here typing this in my lunch hour, I remember the times when I was working at the printshop. You’d email me several times a day, and usually we’d have at least one long phone conversation. Now I sit here looking at my inbox, wishing it would flash “You have new mail” more often, and wishing that some of it would be from you.

So why should you give me another chance? Well, you’ve got me there. All I can hope is that the feelings you had for me haven’t completely died. We had some fabulous times together. Remember Valentine’s Day in Rome? That was fantastic. I’d like to take you back there sometime so we could walk around the city hand in hand again, and eat at that restaurant we liked. Remember when we got the waiter to take our picture together? It was Valentine’s Day again recently. I wanted to send you flowers.

And if you took me back, I wouldn’t want to rush into it headlong. That wouldn’t work. But maybe we could just go out on a date or two and see where it goes. Let me buy you lunch, or a drink, or dinner.

So that’s my reasoning. I left you for the wrong reasons, but now things have changed. Your brother doesn’t live with you any more, I’ve realised how selfish I was, and I’ve grown out of feeling obliged to party 24 hours a day. Hopefully the time we’ve been apart hasn’t made you forget you loved me too. I know that you gave me more love than I returned back then, but I would do anything for you now. Let me make amends, and try to make us both happy.

Apart from that, all I can say is that I won’t make the same mistake again.
I love you.
So there.