When I hung up the phone that night, two long months ago, my world fell to pieces. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and I wandered around the house in shock. I could barely speak to anyone, and in the early hours of morning, I crawled to the computer and wrote you and e-mail I know you would never respond to. It was very confident. I amaze myself sometimes. The weeks went on, and I came home. It was harder dealing with the loss, as I was on vacation in my aunt's home, and so I stuck it in the corner of my mind. You didn't call like you said you would. I think you forgot the promise to remain friends.

When I got home I could barely step into my room without thinking about you. Those late night conversations, the laughing, the "I love you"'s. And for a week, I was numb. Completely thoughtless, I made it through the day by not thinking. Not feeling. I refused to believe any of it. What did not help was our mutual friends. They kept telling me that we would get back together. They fed my dim hope and made it more real than ever. And for a while I did believe it. I thought it would never last. One month. No phone calls.

The numbness wore off and I couldn't stop crying. Every day was a battle between me and the rest of the world. I couldn't imagine going on without you, and so I considered the possibility of not going on at all. There was nothing standing in my way. What you never realized was you were my lifeline, you were everything I believed in. And your words meant the world to me.

The last couple weeks have been hard. And yet I am doing better. Every once in while I think about you, and there is an empty feeling. When I hear a song we used to listen to on the radio, tears come to my eyes. But I haven't cried for you in a while. I think I've wasted too many tears on you. I gave you what I had. I gave you all my love. I gave you my heart, and my trust. And it was worth it. You made that time together fantastic, magical, and it is something I will treasure forever. Your smile burns bright in my memory. And I know I will always love you in some way, even if we never talk again.

Maybe it's better that we were cut off completely. That way I'm not still hanging onto the hope of getting back together. I'm moving on. I can readily think of a future without you, when before I could see none. I am with a man now who loves me dearly, and understands the pain that I still carry. He knows that I can't just let it go, even though I want to. He is kind with me, and I in turn can help him get over his anguish. I hope the same for you. I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I know you can make some other girl just as happy as you made me. You deserve everything. And maybe someday we can get together and laugh and be friends. Not now though, now is time for me. I'm healing.

Remember that night we were on the phone.. and I saw twin rainbows in the sky? We talked about them, and even though you were thousands of miles away, it seemed like you were right there in the room. Well, I saw a rainbow last night. And I smiled. Thank you.

Shae