You tried so hard, I know, to please me. And you failed, but it wasn't your fault.

I'm hard to please, physically, emotionally, spiritually...

A lot of that is due to the fact that in all three of those aspects, I'm still not sure what it takes.

There's a lot of bitterness here - you've become someone I no longer know but I understand that. I caused some of that. Who I knew was someone no one else will ever see, although someday, someone else will be lucky enough to see (and hold) even more. It's definitely something I'm not ready to face, I'll say that much. But I do, I love you enough, still, to hope you get it. You deserve it.

You have no idea how much I wish I could be that person, but eventually, a person has to face the truth and accept that fact that she won't be.

I'm trying. It hurts, enough that I'm still bitter because of it months later. I've lost you as a lover, yes, but most importantly, as friend. You are on my mind twenty-four hours a day - little things I see that we once shared, or that I could come home to share with you, make me think of you, and make me sad. My life, which is now going so well, the life I wanted, and asked for, I can't share with you. I left you to go get it. A smile, even via email, brightens my day and gives me hope even though that hope feels false. What we had was new to me and I am still learning how these things operate. I don't know if there's even a chance that we'll ever be able to be friends because if I'm near you all I can think about is how much more than that we were. That hope of mine gets in the way of things. And it's compounded by the occasional moments when see each other, we catch each other's eye, and I KNOW you still feel it too. These are moments I have to hold dear to me, because they are unmentionables. I would never bring them up for fear of hurting you, and now, since I no longer know who you are, for fear of how you'd respond.

It's getting cold outside, and I miss you. There's no one here to cuddle up next to and even if there were, months later I'd still wish it was you. When I walked away from us I had no idea I'd walk so far. And even worse, I never knew you'd also walk so far in the opposite direction.