I thought the second time around things would be different. They were for about two weeks anyways, then things went back to how they used to be. A lot of stuff has happened since then and we're still together. Don't ask me why, we both know this relationship is for the birds. It's gone absolutely no where in these past few months, its gotten to the point where I just don't care any more. I'm past trying to save bits and pieces of us. I guess I was a long time ago. We shouldn't be together any more but I don't know how to tell you, I was hoping you'd get tired of me and break it off yourself, but you never were one to take the first step.

One things for sure I have learned a lot about dating and my self these past few weeks. I will give you credit for that. I learned that if two people don't connect enough and they don't work out their communication problems its not going to work. That's what separates us, I need to talk, I can't just let things be and hope they'll pass I have to discuss them and you can never talk to me about important things you always clam up. The second thing I've kept in mind through this rocky relationship is the matter of trust. I thought I could trust you with anything, you obviously can't handle that so I always have to second guess things I say to you. I don't even trust myself any more. Which brings me to my next issue. Loyalty. I know you've been loyal to me and that is why I feel great shame for what I am about to say, I know its my own fault and I'm sorry I cheated on you, but I learned something I'll value forever. You should never have to fall into another mans arms if the one your with truly cares for you. I felt a stronger connection with my significant others more than with you. That's when I realized we weren't going to last.

Mostly I blame myself I think it was really bad timing and I shouldn't have rushed into this. But I blame you too. I tried to be understanding but you were never really there for me and you always made it seem like it was my fault we couldn't be together all the time. Maybe I should have made you a priority but then again maybe you should grow up a little bit first. Anyways I truly am sorry. I never meant to hurt you, the funny thing is I know you know all of this and its even funnier that I can talk about it but you still wont say anything to me. So I guess I hope you see this letter as a means to an end that neither of us has enough guts to bring up face to face. And maybe one day if you forgive me even though I don't expect you to, we can still be friends.

Lauryn