I cry your pardon for the following letter. But I can't live with myself the way things have been going.

You were so incredibly honest with me last night, that I can be nothing but honest back. I'm crying as I write this because I know I'm losing someone that I love.. but I also know this has to be done. I can't go on knowing what it is you need me to be and knowing in my heart that I can never be that. Call it selfishness, call it hate, call it whatever you want to.

You can't have me be friends with your friends, and I can't drop your friends because they've become my friends. I can't be a sometime-friend. And I can't tell you all of my dark things and have no sense of return. I thought last night that when you said you still cared, that that would be enough. I know now, however, that it isn't. It's okay to love someone and yet let them go. Or, maybe I'm the only one that feels this way. But I do love you and I do care that's why I can't stand to be the one hurting you anymore. I can't be what you need so I'm getting away. I hope this helps you, but the ugly truth is, even if it doesn't, its going to help me.

I've tried all I can.. and I can no longer hide from my feelings. I know myself well enough to know a friendship with you won't work right now. I know myself and love myself enough to know I can't and won't change everything that makes me who and what I am.. not even for those I love the most. I hope you realize I gave it my all.. but my all just wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I've let you down, I'm sorry I can't be what you need right now. Maybe when you're standing on the other side of where you are now - a while down the road - maybe then I'll be lucky enough to get back into your life. And if I never do, if this has pushed you over the edge so that you can never walk back.. then that is the price I have to pay.

Don't worry, Angie, this time there will be no phone calls or pages unless you start them. I'm not going to go back on my word. I'm getting out of your life this time, for real. I still welcome anything you want to share.. if you can ever bring yourself to share with me again. You said last night that you never really came back.. well neither did I, I guess. We split up a while back and things haven't been the same. It's not that I don't understand why you feel the way you do, it's just that I can't handle a demand that strong on me right now. I still have a lot to do and a lot to learn.

Your's is a flame that burns brighter than most others. You will always be a guiding star to me and I thank you for what you have shared with me and taught me. I can only hope and wish that sometime in the past months I helped you in some small way. And if this brings you the smallest ounce of pain, I apologize. I guess I didn't know you.. I guess I didn't pick up on the way to be your friend..

We were never meant to work, Angie.. I need my Megan, and you need your Charles. And when we talked it was like talking to ourselves we led parallel lives we thought same thoughts we felt same feelings and well, there is a reason we can't be our own best friend. We might inhabit two separate bodies, but we were cut from the same cloth... and I will always mirror you.

I commend you and respect you and more importantly LOVE you for being so honest with me.. with yourself. You laid it all out on the table and gave me the cold hard facts. You didn't sugar coat anything -- please don't EVER lose that.. even when the truth hurts, it's better than a lie. And even tho it looks as tho the truth made me walk away.. we both know we've been so far from each other for a long time.

You said goodbye to me as gently as you could over a month ago. It's just taken me this long to let you go... I put you thru this once and couldn't make it stick.. this time it will because I have to let go. I wish that I could hug you.. because I never got to.. I wish that I could let you feel that bond I know we had.. and Angie, I woulda been honored to hold your head in my lap anytime and whisper my sweetest dreams and confide in you my worst nightmares. It just wasn't our time... it just wasn't our time -- and for that, I again cry your pardon.

Fading.... fading..... gone,

Leah