It's been 11 years now. I've known you over half my life. We have been through it all, laughed and cried together. The play of children, angst of teen life, and worry of university. There were the family secrets whispered over the phone and the agony of death. The water was thicker than any blood, or so I thought.

There were discussions, often punctuated by plans..... plans, all sorts of glorious wonderful plans, trips across the continent, an estate we'd share if we won the lottery, canoeing trips, camping trips, trips to the pub. the promise of friendship forever. The two old spinsters sitting at the nursing home reminiscing, that was to be us.

I was always there. I was the logical - one you came to for advice the one who planned things, the one who had it together.. You didn't;t always listen to me but I never said "I told you so". I turned my life upside down and inside out to help you, even though you were the one who had means. You said that that not enough of our plans came true, so I worked *hard* to make one happen. You had the money and I didn't well. I worked the extra hours the overtime, all to make the great trip happen.

Then he came along and you forgot about me. The 11 yrs we had, the plans, the friendship the support. I depended on you and you abandoned me. I was just the old friend who will always be there, the ragged old comfort blanket.

After this summer I was ready to give up on you, but I didn't. I gave you another chance and the benefit of the doubt. Being away together might put things at least halfway back. Now, now I give up.

The trip is gone.. they all are because suddenly I am no longer in your picture. "Sorry about the trip" you say nonchalantly, *you* couldn't hang on to the money you already had. You, who accused me of being the limiting factor, you hypocrite.

People say to hang to what you have and live in the moment, well it's true. Because **nothing** including our friendship, as you have made so clear, lasts forever. You blew your money away, you blew my reason for working away, you blew 3 of my summers (all of the time in the sun) away... because I was foolish enough to depend on you the way you depended on me. That's it there is no more to tell. I mourn our friendship, but not even you can bring it back from where you placed it. I don't know why I trusted you. I know better now, I can't trust anyone, you were the last one, the others are dead or gone.. it's ironic that everyone has left me in the fall.

Maybe the old blanket that I was won't be missed from your shoulders, I picked up the pieces that fell as you threw it away. The box I put them in is locked, now no one will ever get them and it is your fault.

Ad.