I don't know what to say or do.
I apologize if I'm not handling this situation the way you want me to. But
you must know what I'm thinking.
You must see me light up every time I see you. How could you not know that I
am falling in love with you all over again. Properly this time.
I'm truly, truly sorry if I hurt you before. I plead the usual ignorance of
youth. I didn't want to settle into a relationship back then. And I didn't
know you. Yes, I was attracted to you, but how could I have loved you? I
didn't know you properly.
So we broke up. But we remained friends. Sometimes more than friends when we
were both lonely. And I grew to know you better than anyone. I could tell
when something was upsetting you, even when you put on your act that fooled
everyone else. I realized that love is not about flowers and romantic
dinners. It's not about gazing into each others eyes every minute of the
day. It's someone who knows you properly. Someone who still loves you
through your bad moods, your colds and flu, someone who takes the time to
cheer you up when you're down. Someone willing to listen to you giving out.
Someone who thinks you are beautiful, even in your old wooly pajamas with no
makeup and hairy legs. I remember how sweet you were that day everything
went wrong. You were so willing to listen to me rant. You were patient.
But you couldn't wait for me forever. You met someone else eventually, but
still we remained friends. Went for drinks together. You wrote to me when
you went away for 6 months, and I missed you so much. Eventually I realized
what was happening. I was beginning to love you properly for who you are. Is
it too late?
I couldn't ask you to give up what you had with her. I never did. Never let
on, and never put you under pressure. But you finished with her. What do
you want me to do? You must know how I feel. Everyone else can see it. But
it's up to you. I can't hurt you again like I did the last time. All I can
say is sorry, and hope you still want to try.
I promise I'll try harder this time.
I think I love you.
C.
