Not that this matters anymore, but I wrote this letter for you this morning:

Ok, the thing is, you caught me in the middle of trying to articulate to my anger at you to myself. I knew I was angry, but I hadn't really worked through why yet. I t was like having to debate something that you feel passionate about, but haven't prepared to argue for in a logical manner yet. I still think that what we are talking about has no foundations in logic to begin with, but since it seems to be the only way to get through to you, here we go.

I am not angry with you for sleeping on the couch. I'm hurt, insulted, confused, betrayed, and a bit tortured, but not angry. I respect that you wanted your space. I even understand it a little. What I am angry about is that you never communicated that to me. You just abandoned me.

Months ago, when we discussed the possibility of our current [former] arrangement, I specifically remember saying to you "this can work only if we keep communicating." You agreed with me at the time, and I feel that ever since, you have done your best to avoid communication with me at all costs. If you felt uncomfortable, if you felt pressured, fine, tell me. Don't just get up and walk away with never a word spoken about it.

I respect the way you feel, but you need to respect the way I feel too. When you tell me that I am crazy or obsessive when I'm trying to communicate my feelings to you, it makes me feel like you could care less about me. It doesn't make me feel like you are my friend. Regardless of the fact that we had this "understanding," I do have feelings towards you. I don't expect you to reciprocate, but I do expect you to hear them and validate them. I expect you to understand that for me, friendship and sex cannot exist independently of love, and when you take away the love and the sex, the friendship cannot go on existing as if nothing else was ever involved.

I'm not asking you to love me, I'm not asking you not to leave, because I know that to ask either of you is to ask the impossible. All I am asking is that you free yourself from your point of view for long enough to understand where it is that I am coming from.

Love,

S.A.B.