So.There

I remember once, quite some time ago, days, weeks, months, it doesn't matter, you told me to take responsibility. I did something wrong. It hurt you. You told me that there was no justification for my actions and that I should stand up and take the blame. Well, you know what? I apologized to those i was unkind to. I apologized for you. I felt terrible. I saw how I had acted, and realized I went about the situation wrong.

I don't see how you can be seeing yourself as some kind of victim. Right now? Right now you have every reason to apologize to them. I hope you do. To realize that it was not just you, not just them, but both in a failure of communication. I don't know how saying "oh, we fell apart" seemed to somehow justify your actions! How the fuck is not getting what you want from someone you have made a commitment to something that justifies getting it from another? "Tired of pretending everything is fine?" You were pretending everything was fine with you two? By not acknowledging their existence? By going to hang out with someone else? You may think that 'oh, they didn't try and talk to me either', but it's kinda hard when you are so close to another guy all the time. I can promise you this, no one thought that "everything was fine."

What has made this really hard, is that you got mad at me for being "flirty" and "leading" to my boyfriend when I broke up with him. You were upset that I was causing him pain. I can see where you are coming from with that, it was just hard for me to stop talking to him since he was also really my best friend, but really? Really? At least I broke up with him. At least I wasn't holding onto him while I was off doing something else not giving a damn. Please, please correct me if I am wrong. But I really don't see any other possibility. I wish I was wrong. I wish you weren't hurting him. I wish there was a choice B in my mind.

I don't have a strong enough voice to be able to fight you. Not a strong enough voice to be able to really stand up against you and know that I can hold my ground when you start blowing up at me. I don't hate you. I never have. But I think that the type of friend you tend to be just doesn't work for me. I don't want to be your friend when you want me to be. When it's convenient to you. When you know you will be in control of the situation. I don't want your aggressive attitude and unkindness sometimes. I don't want you as an enemy either though. I am not going to care though, when you act like a huge flirt, or when you are off on your own little thing.

I really did care about you. So much. I have never really felt so attached to someone so quickly. I worried about you, defended you when people complained of you being mean or anything. I wish I knew why you suddenly seem to be pushing everyone away. I admit it has made me cry. I am done now, I really don't have anything else to say. El Fin.