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March 07, 2010 Kyle, |
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You split up a friendship on me, you scared me, you got between me and my mother, you hurt me, you used me, you cheated on me, and you left me... but we're still friends. Why? Perhaps because, in part, I was as bad as you were... I knew she loved you (in her own immature and over-reactive way), I knew I didn't (not at first anyway) but I was alone, you were sweet to me, and I was still hurting from the way things had been with John. I needed to feel special in a way that Rob would never make me, and offered me that chance, so I took it. I didn't care at the time what it cost me, so it isn't fair to blame you. You used me, but I used you... you interfered with my relationships, but I had to let you... you cheated on me because I was cold and withdrawn - but the fact that it hurt says I felt more for you than I believed. You wounded a piece of me I thought wouldn't exist anymore, and that says something... I care about you still... and always will. Although I said I love you when we were together, I know I never TRULY did, and never really will. You were the only selfish relationship I ever had. I needed to be needed, I needed to be loved... and in the end I deserved to get hurt. I'm glad we never had sex, because you deserved the opportunity to save it for a girl that really does love you. Funny how you're the only guy since John my mother accused me of having sex with and also the only one I haven't... you're also my biggest regret. Perhaps I am so harsh on you because it saves me from being hard on myself... but I am done, so you cheated {emotionally} - sadly I have in some sense to the man I love with all my heart... When we base our lives on something so powerful and the other person isn't what we dream of, our hearts are lead astray... at least you were honorable and honest enough to admit to it... you're a better person than I am. I am what I have accused you many times of being, I use people, manipulate the emotions of the ones I love... and I'm sorry I accused you of it, I suppose it was easier than admitting to my own mistakes. |
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Your Bitch of an Ex, 
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