So.There

There are days when I feel I've got absolutely nothing left to live for. There are days when I am only one breath away from giving up and letting go. There are days when I feel as if it's been years since I last thought of you... then I turn around to find only a minute or two has passed since your beautiful face last entered my mind. There are days.

It is on these days that I am completely lost, without a clue. I search myself for pieces of you, pieces that I childishly hold on to because I'm so afraid of letting go. I'm afraid if I give up on you, that I'll be giving up on the most important person in my life, the person who I wish to be with more than anything.

It is simple for me. In my mind, there are no two people on this earth more perfect for each other than you and I. I could search the whole universe and never find another soul that compliments and completes mine like yours does. I know this because I've tried, many different times, unsuccessfully. I don't hold this against you; I just chalk it up to the fact that you've never known anything else. You've got nothing else to compare us to; therefore you don't know how pure this is. You don't know how right it is.

I dare not ask if you've thought much about me in these past few weeks, because I fear your answer will be no. I know you're in college, you're exploring your new surroundings and the last thing you want to think about is some girl back home who was never really your "girlfriend". But I want you to know, it's been hell trying to cope with this distance, and even worse, not talking to you. I sit here now and think of all those nights that I took for granted, talking to you for hours about everything and nothing. It blows my mind how selfish I was. I would give anything for one of those nights.

Yet, the fact remains. You and I are living completely opposite lives right now. There's no way I can honestly ask you to hold on to your feelings for me the way I am holding on to mine for you. I don't expect that of you. I only wish you wanted to do that.

I never understood what true love felt like, until I looked into your eyes and saw my own soul staring back at me. I will never forget that feeling, as long as I live. In a small part of my heart, I know you felt it, too. I know you saw everything, that night, lying on my bed. I know you wanted to love me, but you just couldn't. In some ways, I thank you for that... and in others, I can't forgive you.

But most importantly, you are my best friend. I miss you so much... you've taken a piece of me with you. Please make time for us. I'll do anything I can to do the same. I don't want to watch everything we've so carefully put together fall right back apart. That's not how we are supposed to end.