So.There

Hey, you know this is James I assume. You're probably tired of hearing of all this stuff with the break-up, but I cant give it up. Im sitting her at almost 11pm & it's all i can think of. I want to tell you before I speak of anything else that everything I am going to say in this E-mail is the exact truth & I am not trying for force sorrow for me upon you, do not think that, I want you to know & feel what Im going through right now.

As I sit here, I am shaking, not from cold, but from what I guess might be stress, I do not know, I can feel the heartbreak in my heart as Tiffany so put it. From the day you said that you werent into the "mushy stuph" I realized something was up because never before had you ever said that you werent mushy, hell, thats what I liked a lot in ya, you even always acted like you were "mushy" before that. After that event kinda settled down, I got back into the groove of the relationship until next I started noticing how depressed you were acting. You werent being mushy & it started to bother me. I knew that you were either extremely down, ur parents were on ya, or I had done something. For a while I thought it was ur parents until the party. I thought we were great even the same day of the party at Stanton, I was perfectly happy.

When you got to the party, I could sense something was in the air about you, you seemed....... not so happy to see me as I thought you would be, so I was hesitant to say anything. Well, when I walked up to you those few times & you moved it was like an I had the cupids arrow ripped out of my heart & I was left to bleed. When I asked you if something was wrong, you proceded to tell me that nothing was wrong & I was paranoid, later, you tell me that wasnt the truth, I think that askin you was like putting the arrow back in my heart & asking for it to be ripped out again because it healed it for a little while, but I could still sense that something was wrong, a feeling of you still being distant & wanting me away for some reason. I then left the party thinking of what was wrong, I had a feeling that you wanted me away so you could smoke or drink, see, i told you my instincts were always right. I got home, sat there scared, REALLY scared. I didnt want to lose you, thats all that ran through my head for that night & saturday. When I tried unsuccessfully to get in touch with you Saturday & found out you came right home & went to sleep, I was scared shitless. I thought you would actually think of me enough to call me & tell me how you were doing or something, but it didnt happen. On Sunday, I lost myself.... you told me you made out with Matt & I felt like my heart, mind, emotions, & soul even had just been thrown in a grinder. I was angry, pissed, sad, curious, depressed all in one. After we got off the phone I broke & threw around so much shit because I knew I had treated you right, & this is what I got, cheated on, it seemed to always turn out that way, I was good & then I was single. I know what you're thinking.. "I was drunk." Maybe so, & yes, I was going to forgive you for it even though it would have took a while to get over it, but then you gave me all this stuff about me not knowing you & just us having small talk. Then with the final blow, it was all over.... all my hopes of reuniting with my girlfriend were gone, I couldnt believe it, not only was I cheated on, but I was broken up with by the one who cheated on me.

I wanted you back, still do now, I would be willing to forgive all, but I know you do not want that & I know even if ya did, it'd be extrememly odd. I want you to know how I feel, why I feel this way, & what I am doing. I do not know how to go on with us, I really dont, when I talk to you all I can picture is you making out with some dark figure that could be mistaken for anyone, maybe Matt, maybe not. All I know is that I extrememly cared about you & now it's gone. Now, me & Jennifer have seen how you have been acting & we want to know what has gotten into you, you got pretty pissy at her with your "Whats it to you" comment & more than that. Whats happened to the Michelle I knew.... or maybe the Michelle I didnt know. All I know is that until you change your attitude with people & find out what you want of me, I dont know if I can socialize with you. I want you as a friend, but after that outburst, I dont know whether or not I can truthfully be content talking to you. I am scared Michelle. I want you're friendship,but why must it come at such a hurtful cost. I know you probebly dont understand me, but I know you will understand this: Never hurt someone like that again. You might not want to even be friends with me after this E-mail, I pray that you will for I know I am angry & you know as well, but I want you to realize what I've been going through & hope that you are not enraged with this. Rather.. I hope you listen to me contently & take my thoughts into consideration. Maybe this is your "big talk."